If someone were to ask me what the luckiest thing in my life is, I would answer without hesitation that the luckiest thing in my life is meeting you.
Although it may seem absurd that we have yet to meet, I am still searching, not knowing where you are at this moment, but I can imagine those scenes.
When I meet you, it will be your quiet gaze that draws me in, just a single glance, and I will be deeply captivated. I tell myself, it’s her, it’s her! She is the one I’ve been dreaming of!
Over twenty years of life, not too long but not too short either. Since the day I became aware of love, I have been persistently looking for you.
My dearest, please forgive me for addressing you this way, for I do not know how else to call you, just as I never knew when we would meet.
But what does it matter? I am searching, you are waiting, and one day we will meet. If you are quiet, I will be quiet with you; if you are wild, I will be wild with you…
Some say that being single for a long time makes one not want to fall in love.
I have been single for a long time too, not because I don’t want to fall in love, but because I have been searching for you and have no time for romance.
We have missed so many years, tasted all kinds of flavors in the lingering years, and deeply understand what it’s like to be alone.
When alone, listening to lonely songs, savoring the melancholic melodies, being by oneself, keeping silent, and banishing the true self subtly…
When alone, not knowing where to go, getting used to going with the flow, gradually becoming familiar with the outside world, but not wanting to push myself too hard, not wanting you to meet a worldly me.
When alone, thinking of many unrelated things, recalling some insignificant people, some trivial matters, and then being carefree and silent.
When alone, I would light a cigarette out of habit, find a quiet corner, and ease the feeling of being overwhelmed by life.
When alone, I would quietly miss my distant loved ones, the thick longing melting into cups of solitude, pouring and drinking by myself, waiting for dawn.
When alone, I learned the so-called strength, learned to take care of myself, learned many things I never knew and no one told me, which seem simple and superficial, but the bitterness within, I understand.
When alone, I would ask myself, can things become more perfect? But it was presumptuous of me, your absence in my life was already imperfect, how could it be perfect?
When alone, walking and walking, I would lose my way, not knowing where the exit is, wandering alone amidst the crowd, savoring the loneliness and sorrow underfoot.
When alone, walking in the drizzle at dusk, the wind is gentle, the rain is light! Thinking, you, light and graceful, suddenly appear in front of me, taking away my endless longing.
When alone…
Being alone means drifting, ups and downs, good times and bad… Alone, when I meet you, those times when I was alone are just a small wave in the fleeting years for me.
Xi Murong said, “In fact, we have always been missing out, missing yesterday, and missing today.”
This time we have met, can we no longer miss out? I can get used to the loneliness, sadness, and heartache of being alone… but I don’t want you to be alone anymore.
I don’t want you to be alone, bravely faking it. The world is so vast, we are so small, without a sense of security, and more at a loss when helpless. I don’t want you to hold back tears and say you have to be strong; I am willing to straighten my shoulders and be there for you.
I don’t want you to be alone, waiting alone in loneliness. I am willing to search for you for a long time, three years, five years, ten years… I am willing to search, but I don’t want you to be alone, continuing to wait alone in loneliness.
I don’t want you to be alone, lost in the long night. I know you often get lost, like being electrocuted, losing all sense of direction. I don’t want you to be alone, stumbling in the dark; I am willing to hold your hand, hum a song of love for you, and point out the direction home.
I don’t want you to be alone, performing sorrow by yourself. I like you with a sweet smile, shallow dimples, and inadvertently showing your cute canines. I am willing to take away all your sorrow and fill you with the taste of happiness.
I don’t want you to be alone, too tired to bear. Perhaps you have seen through the years in the journey of wind and rain, perhaps you have seen through emotions in the separations and unions, perhaps you have seen through life and death in the impermanence of the world… But don’t forget, you still have me.
I don’t want you to be alone, drifting in the crowd. When facing the vast sea of people alone, it’s not an inexplicable excitement, but endless fear and unease, the unfamiliar and the familiar… I am willing to go through mountains and rivers with you, look calmly at life and death, and go to the everlasting youth together.